Sorry for the long absence--it seems the moment my plane touched down I got a bad case of the "LAWDY LAWDY, I'M TIRED!!!". Last night I went to bed at 8:30 and had to be dragged out nearly 12 hours later kicking and screaming. Ok, it was more like drooling and whining but you get my point, which is, I'm finally starting to feel functional again. HALLELUJAH AND PASS THE NO-DOZE!!!
The worst thing that happens to me when I'm that tired is I lose my sense of humor. Dude, that's like Dolly Parton misplacing her boobs or Jay Leno accidently leaving his chin in the back of a taxi. It ought never to happen! All is not right with the world if I can't laugh at it!
Now I learned many years ago that if I'm in need of a little jocular inspiration the first line of attack is to call the FUNNIEST WOMAN WHO EVER LIVED--my best friend "Bo". Never a disappointment, she was darn funny but so far gone was I, all it evoked was a delicate blip on the humor screen (unless she was just giving me a few "mercy laughs" because she's THAT kind of friend). Mildy funny was all I could muster. Boo-sad for me.
So now I'm getting desperate. I start perusing some websites in hopes of finding a little inspiration. First stop--The Sneeze. The Sneeze is one of my personal favorites. This post made me simultaneously gag and laugh. I wish I'd had a mirror to watch myself-- seeing the look of revulsion turn to fascination turn to hysteria would have been a case study in multiple personality disorder. Like having Janet Leigh from Psycho, Dustin Hoffman as Rainman and Robin Williams as himself all in the same body. Anyway, that botulism corn thingy is just disgusting and I think I'll go look at it again because I'm just that sick and twisted. hehe...
Next I moved on to Television Without Pity. I love this site. Snarky people always make me happy and when I'm happy, I'm funny. First, the Desperate Housewives recap. Have I ever mentioned I like this show? No? Well, that's ok, because it's swiftly starting to get on my nerves. Just ONCE I'd like to see one of these women actually do the right thing. Bree has a lot of nerve being so self-righteous when she has rarely if EVER followed through on a value she's so quick to spout. Susan's sweet, but dopey, [insert obnoxious joke from Jerry here] and the rest are just deplorable WITHOUT being funny. I could handle their complete and utter depravity if they would just. be. funny. Sadly, I think I am no longer in love with this show. Moving on to the American Idol recap...
Now I have to confess that I'm not a big T.V. watcher and even when I find a show I like, I am not a very attentive viewer. I stopped watching AI when the selections were made but I read this anyway just because Simon is so deliciously low. (sidenote: Not so long ago, I went on a message board and caused all manner of havoc posting as Simon Cowell. The mods were not very happy with Simon's nastiness. It was great fun and I was VERY good at being VERY bad. Simon ROCKS! And now you know the REST of the story, Elwood, so SHHHH!!!) Ok....back to the recap:
Page 1 got 1 "LOL" for "If you reached into Ryan's head and pulled out a sweater and made him wear it, that's what would happen." Ryan make it so easy to be nasty and for that I thank his mother.
Page 2 garnered a very long "LOL" for the entire first paragraph. I have a friend who gets all fake smiley when a camera is on. What makes it worse is even when she's got the "plasti-smile" thing going on, she's still prettier than me, and for that, I'm tempted to post the worst possible picture I can find of her. HA!
The whole Constantine thing is funny simply because I think Constantine is smarmy in a....icky, bad-touch sort of way.
I have absolutely no idea who Scott is but now I feel sorry for him. And I hate his dad. Whoever he is.
Ok, Page 3 has forced me to reconsider my position on both Scott and his evil father. I now hate Scott and think his father was right to mock him openly when he first began to sing. Scott sucks. I think.
Page 4. Of 17. Are you fricking KIDDING me??? I came here expecting to be temporarily amused and now you've gone and demanded of my attention span that which it cannot give. Moving away from this site to something for the "attention impaired".
Which leads me to... IMAO. The only problem I have with IMAO being a group blog is there are SO many posts to skim past to get to Harvey's posts! (SCORE ONE for the Suck-Up! *wink wink*)
Harvey gave some Totally True Tidbits About Libraries but I'm pretty sure the only thing that was actually true was the part about Donald Duck's nephew. Do you think we should address Harvey's penchant for lying? Me neither. I give this post an around the world "LOL". Nice work. ;-)
So there. Could life get any better? I mean, how many women leave for 2 weeks and come home to a clean house with the laundry folded AND put away IN the right places, the children are hugging each other and sharing their most precious belongings with the homeless people downtown and the dog has learned to knit. AND I quit my job! But that's another post...
More to come!
Posted by PamCHBF at April 13, 2005 05:51 PM