Drugs make you say and do some crazy things. There's a good chance my dad was 100% coherent and in full control of his mental facilities, but I'm blaming the drugs because to do otherwise would be to admit my dad is always like this and denial is just way too fun to not explore fully.
Things drugs make you say after the catheter gets pulled out and you finally pee on your own:
"Man, whiz burns!"
Things drugs make you say after watching QVC for 17 consecutive days:
"Geez...is there anything more annoying than a black fag selling pillows?"
Things drugs make you say because you can't think of anything positive to say when asked "How are you, Dad?"
"I haven't cried today."
Things drugs make you say after getting an enema:
"I WOULD have to get the nurse with the longest fingers."
Things drugs make you say and do when getting an enema:
Pokes tongue in cheek and says, "I think you got it."
Things drugs make you say when your hospital is located in a multi-racial community:
"I saw a caucasian today."
I've had a few mind altering experiences of my own. I saw my dad's butt for the very first time. That was mildly scarring. And if it wasn't more than I needed to process in one day, the nurse prepping him for the OR asked him if he had any nipple rings. I could have lived my entire life never having those words used in reference to my father or the image burned into my mind for all eternity. Thanks, Kim. You wench.
My mom's had her own humorous moments, as well. Last night, we were celebrating the good news over dinner when a waiter with spikey hair walked by. My 74 year old, God-fearing mother said, "I hate those spikes." Being the very forward-thinking mother of boys who may want spikes some day, I said, "Well, Mom, it's certainly not a hill worth dying on." To which she quickly replied, "Well...if I ever see him in the valley, I'm gonna kick his ass."
Nice, Mom, reeeeeeeeal nice.
Posted by PamCHBF at April 6, 2005 08:56 AM