...how bad The Flight of the Phoenix is? Ok...I did but it seems I didn't fully expunge my hatred of this movie from my soul. I will attempt to do so now.
You see, some movies can be bad without being offensively bad. Troy was bad but disappointingly bad. It had all the makings of a grand and epic film but the cheesy dialogue ruined it. Napoleon Dynamite was bad because it made me laugh against my will. I resent that greatly.
This movie, however, falls into the "I HATE YOU BECAUSE YOU INSULTED EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING!" bad. To say the acting was weak would be kind. To say the characters were unsympathetic would fall short in a myriad of ways. Cloying, pathetic, exasperatingly unredemptive would be far more accurate. I wanted every last one of them to die a long and painful death. I still want that nearly 24 hours later. There's even a good chance I will dream about it tonight. Fire will be involved.
The script. What to say about the script... Might I suggest: Insipidly moronic? There was not one believable moment in the entire movie. Whoever wrote it should be made to watch this film repeatedly while enduring days upon days of sleep deprivation and a gassy stomach. I will even go so far as to say I hate whoever it was that made this movie. I hate him so much, I don't even want to search out his name. He will now and forever more be known as "the man I hate with an everlasting hatred but whose name I do not know."
God, I hate that man.
So alrighty then...I'm feeling much better. How 'bout you?